September 11th 2001
Today is September 11th; this day means a lot to many people. Of course, I remember the attacks and what happened after. I remember watching the news in horror as the second plane hit the South Tower. At 14 years old, I was young, but I was old enough to know the world would change because of this. I remember the fear, and the uncertainty at that moment but the fear and uncertainty, for me anyway, wasn’t just about what was unfolding on the screen in front of me. There is no way to deny how the overall sense of grief that day foreshadowed the path my life was about to take. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not comparing my dad dying of cancer to the people who lost their lives to that senseless attack. If you remove all the intricacies, what’s left is loss, pain and confusion. Until you experience those feelings, it’s impossible to understand, but once you have, it never leaves you. The slightest trigger can send you back to that place, regardless of how you got there.
Yes, September 11th was a heartbreaking day for people worldwide. For me, it was the first sign of what would come, the first time I ever witnessed weakness in my dad. This isn’t a story I like to tell. To appear as if I’m attaching myself to some monumental event that had nothing to do with me, it’s a mere coincidence that these two things happened on the same day. It doesn’t change that September 11th was the beginning of a series of my own monumental events, as well as a loss of comfort and sense of invincibility.
I woke up like any other day; school had just started a few days earlier. The only thing out of the ordinary was that my dad didn’t wake me up like he usually would. My dad woke us up every morning without fail. He always had. Considering he got home from work only a few hours before school started, I always appreciated his effort. When I saw him on the couch, I could tell he was in pain; he asked that I go to our neighbour and get Tylenol. Not thinking much of it, I went next door to my best friend’s house.
Walking in like I always did, but the house was buzzing this morning. My friend’s mom, Kathy, cried out, “WE’RE UNDER ATTACK,” Yes, it was as dramatic as it sounds. I looked at the TV and saw what I then didn’t know to be, the Trade tower on fire. Not just on fire but had been a subject of a “terrorist attack” or whatever they were saying on the news in the early moments. I stood there in shock, watching the TV, I was 14, so I was old enough to understand how bad it was but too self-involved and naive to grasp what was going on. I don’t think the severity sets in right away when anything like that happens.
I rushed home to tell my dad what was going on. He was in too much pain to care at that point, I turned the TV on, and he told me to turn it off because he didn’t want Emmett to see it. Emmett was 5, so he was old enough to sense the chaos, and nothing on there was anything he needed to see. While getting ready for school in my room, I turned on the TV just as the second plane came into the frames and collided with the South Tower. It felt like something out of a movie that couldn’t possibly happen in real life, let alone on the screen in front of me. It’s interesting thinking back to it now; I had never experienced a sense of loss, so I had no idea what it feels like to have your whole world slip out from under you in a single moment.
After a tragedy strikes a family, time becomes measured by “Before and After.” I distinctly remember what happened in my life before my dad died. After my dad died, much like BC and AD measures time for society, everything that happened in my life following November 2001 is considered a personal AD. It’s funny to dispute dates with people with a vague memory of earlier times while sitting there knowing exactly what those days felt like because all it takes is one thought to catapult me back. Much like I’m sure many people divide their life before September 11th and After September 11th, no matter how it touched you, it’s safe to say that if you were old enough, you remember where you were that day. Many of us were profoundly changed for so many reasons. That day taught us all how quickly and unexpectedly life can change.